Thursday, August 19, 2010

How to deal with my bisexual girlfriend?HELP!?

I love my girlfriend to death; however, I feel I don't know how to deal with the fact she is attracted to women and on occasion, she actually thinks of acting on it. I know she loves me and we are great together up until we go into this conversation. I don't want to see her with another woman. I don't believe in it and it isn't part of my culture. I feel I don't want to be around when she decides to try it. I am afraid she may like it and then what? HELP please. I hurt her feelings every time we talk about it. What do I do? How do I deal with it? How do other men deal with a marriage or relationship where the woman is attracted to women?How to deal with my bisexual girlfriend?HELP!?
First off, this is a fairly common reaction, so don't harsh on yourself. Take it step by step.

One of the most common misconceptions is that bisexuals require one of each to be happy. That's just not true. You don't feel the need to sleep with all of the different women you might be attracted to, right? We're the same. The only difference is that we're capable of feeling attraction for both genders.

If she's never been with a woman, than it is natural for her to feel curious about this and want to 'find out.' Daydreaming about it is a safe way for her to explore this part of her identity. It's a parallel to you imagining worst-case scenarios as an expression of your uncertainties.

*The more space you can give her to imagine this, the easier it will be for both of you -- and the less likely she is to feel like she has to act on it.*

If you are to have a future together though, you need to work on your homophobia. It hasn't been a part of your culture, but it's part of your life now. It's your choice whether you want to make the effort to accept it or not.How to deal with my bisexual girlfriend?HELP!?
How do other men deal with a marriage or relationship where the woman is attracted to women????????

They call their friends and brag about it.
it's the same as if she were atracted to other men (and i assure you, she is). she has no right to act on it without your consent, unless she wants to break up with you first. people have this idea that if it's between two women, then it ';doesn't count.'; it does count. sex with a woman is just as valid.

wtf does ';not a part of your culture'; mean? homophobia is bad for you; just say no.
I'd totally let her sleep with another woman on the grounds that you get to sleep with that same woman. Either way you win.
If you cannot trust her to be faithful to you (and not sleep with other people - men or women, for that matter) and, as you have no desire to be with someone who would choose an open relationship, then I suggest, that love is not enough here. Finish with her.

Yes you will hurt but you will be free to find someone with who you can have that solid relationship you so desire. Your girlfriend will not be constrained either and will be free to experiment and find her own path.

Finish with her, it's a declaration of love itself - that you recognise you are not what she needs and you love her enough to release her, that she may find that which she needs.
I am a writer and a linguistic, and so your choice of words intrigues me:

';I love my girlfriend to death';

It reminds me of the marriage vows: ';Until death do us part';

Do you see the connection: death? In other words, it's either one thing or death.

Right here lies the source of all fears, and it is an illusionary source at best.

If your girlfriend wants to try making out with another woman and you don't want to be there, just don't be there!

Tell her that she is FREE to make her choices, and I believe she will respect you for that.

So she may like an experience with another woman, but if she LOVES you, she will stick with YOU.

Especially if you are strong and confident enough to let her be HER and not have your EGO get in the way of the relationship.

Perhaps she is just testing to see if it is YOU who loves her or your EGO who is wanting to own her.

Just a little food for thought...
my husband accepts my choice to like other women it has never been a problem its an interestin part of relationship but however if thats something you feel that stongly about then you may not work need to love your g/f for who she is i am sure she wont go complete les on you if thats what your worried about.but if you cant work that out it will probally cause problems for you in the end.
Get her some help. Homosexuality is a disease. I would have her see a psychiatrist and/or a clergyman. I would hate for her to be denied from heaven for the inability to control her desires and succumb to the disease.

1 comment:

Arthur Wallace said...

As a man who struggles with this issue myself, I understand how you feel. I've dealt with it many times before, with many other girlfriends. First of all, let me ease your mind about something: if you two break up, it will most likely be about something else. Secondly, let me stress this: sexual experimentation has become the norm in our modern society. Our culture sexualizes the female form in all kinds of ways, relegating men to a utilitarian presentation. The good news in that is, she appreciates you for your mind and heart. The bad news is, you really have to try to look good to her, especially if you're in some kind of contest with a woman. That doesn't mean there's no connection on a deeper level between the two of you, and it doesn't mean she necessarily acts upon those impulses. It's like any other preferential perspective: you could probably do irrepairable damage in trying to eliminate the sexual preference itself entirely, especially without delving into all the subtle nuances and reasons that make it up; or, like most people, both of you can learn to live with it. Humans are one type of animal that can choose whether or not to have sex, and all the specifications that go along with such a choice. Thirdly - and I can't stress this enough, - be HONEST with her about how you feel, show her your LOVE and RESPECT for her by not antagonizing her about it, and remind yourself that if you really love her, you'll ultimately be more worried about what SHE feels and thinks than with your own complexes. There's no reason to be ashamed of how you feel; it's how you respond to your feelings, and her's, which determines whether you should be proud or ashamed of yourself.

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